Let Us Weep

 When I was a student associate pastor in Fargo, a member in his fifties lost his job and tried to kill himself by running his car in the garage and ended up in ICU. The senior pastor was on vacation so I went to sit with the wife and family. I would stay with them for a hour or two, but didn't say a whole lot because I was scared I would say the wrong thing. Lots of family and friends would come by and they would try to console, try to make her feel better, or try to distract her. After a while, I wondered if I should be talking as well, but by then I was, again, too scared to say anything. After about 10 days, he passed away and the senior pastor led the funeral. Afterwards, the widow came up to me and gave me a big hug and told me how much she appreciated my presence of just being there with her. Later on, when I took a class on dying and grief, the professor told us that the best advice she could give was, "Don't do something, just sit there." Sometimes I forget that as I now have experienced the death of loved ones myself and have lead probably over 125 funerals in my career. We all need this reminder that less is more when encountering death. 

I plan out the services and sermons at the beginning of each month so I didn't think I would be talking about death and dying a week after we had the funeral for Bob Carter. And I know that many of our members have lost a family member or a friend or multiple loved ones over the past year, because death is a part of life. In the story of Lazarus, we do have the miracle of him being raised from death, even after four days, but we do find some wisdom about grief and death here as well. 

First, I just want to address why Jesus waited two days before he went. Reading the commentaries there are lots of theories and most of them center that Jesus wanted to have a big show of raising him from the dead. But, I think, that Jesus didn't let him die. The journey between where Jesus and the disciples were was about a day's walk. So when the messenger left, it took him about a day, Jesus, it is written, waited two days, and then they went to Bethany, where Mary, Martha, and Lazarus lived. They said he was already buried 4 days ago. This works out to me, that Lazarus died shortly after the messenger was sent, so Jesus would have been unable to keep him from dying anyway. Why didn't Jesus rush over sooner and spare the sisters some grief is unknown to me, but Jesus wouldn't have arrived in time. 

The next part I want to talk about is that what happens when we die. The short and honest answer is that we don't really know. In Jesus' time, there are three basic theories or stories that are floating around in that time. The first is put forth by the Sadducees that once we die, God's breath, the spirit or ruach goes back to God and that is that, there is no resurrection, we are now forever dead, only living on in our families memories. The second is told by Martha in this story is that at the end of time, all people will be resurrected and there will be a final judgment or purification and all nations will live with God. The third way was taking the Greek idea of a soul and though our bodies die, some essence of ours lives on eternally. In Greek and Roman mythology, all humans go to Hades or hell because they aren't gods, it has nothing to do with how good or bad a person is, it's just that we aren't powerful enough to save ourselves. I am not going to get into that more now because that is a sermon series onto itself. Most, if not all, Christians believe some combination of the last two. That either we wait in our bones for resurrection at the end times, or we immediately go to heaven or hell. Even in our funeral and communion liturgy, we proclaim that death is now past and that person is now in the grace of God and we proclaim that they will be resurrected at the end of time. We are a both/and type of theology. We also proclaim, "That the eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor human imagination envisioned what God has prepared for those God loves." Stating it honestly, we really don't know, but we have hope, faith, and trust in the love of God for us. 

The shortest verse in the Bible is known to most who grew up in an evangelical church which we read today, John 11:35, ....  "Jesus wept" though in this translation it reads, "Jesus began to cry." Here we see Jesus' compassion and his humanity. He does tell Martha that Lazarus will live again and is ready to call him out of the tomb, but seeing and feeling the pain of Mary and Martha and his own pain of his friend dying, Jesus lets himself weep. He doesn't toughen up, but acts like a man who lost a friend. I share with families who gather to say goodbye for a funeral, or memorial service, or celebration of life something I heard in a grief group that I was helping to lead.They said that grief is like walking on a beach and getting hit with a big wave and pulled out into the water, we can't breathe, we don't know which was is up. Eventually our head breaks through the water to the surface, but then we get pulled down again. After a while we learn to stay afloat, and then find a way to swim to the shore. How long that takes is different for everyone. And there will be times in our lives where the waves of grief will crash over us again. For grief never goes away because the love we have for that person never goes away. 

Mary and Martha are surrounded by family and friends, who come to mourn with them and take care of them. Their time of gathering and grief is much longer than we often allow ourselves today in our society. We are expected to go home quickly after the funeral because life goes on. In the 19th century, most houses had a parlor room that sat empty most of the time, and when someone died, they would be laid on a table there as the family gathers. After WWI and the flu pandemic, magazines would only feature houses that had 'living' rooms and death was then sanitized. It became that the funeral homes that took care of the body and the arrangements. 

Death is a part of this world, but death is not the end. Life goes on, whether the soul arising or the body waiting or the next generation living or the dragonfly emerging. Many people have told me they aren't afraid of death, just the dying part. I agree. But let us weep, for our loved ones who die, of those who are who killed from wars and violence, disease and suicide, and those who don't have enough food, clean water, or access to medical care. Let us love with our tears, our sobs, and our community, sharing our grief with each other, with Jesus, and with God. Amen.