I resigned from my last church in November for reasons that centered in pastoral burnout. The leadership was gracious enough to let me leave early while honoring the 90 days contract so I could have some time off to heal and restore myself. I did work on getting myself back in shape, going weekly to my therapist, spending afternoons in a local convent to pray, read, journal, nap, and grieve.
I found myself a spiritual director, spent time at the local coffee shop, played music with any group I could find, but found myself too busy to work on my profile (pastor resume) or my book that I am trying to publish.
Near the end of my hiatus, I applied to the local school system to be a substitute teacher, worked on updating my profile, and reached out to local churches and my Association to let them know I am available for pulpit supply. I did get a couple of gigs, preaching at a United Methodist and an ELCA Lutheran churches. My wife and I did find a couple of churches I was interested in applying for and things were getting back on track. I was quickly getting into substitute teaching, always have enjoyed working with youth and always enjoy teaching.
Then, COVID 19!
My temporary jobs of substituting teaching and preaching have all dried up. I am once again thrown into the void of not having a job and a purpose to get out of bed. Even my music, non-profit groups, and social calendar have dried up, though conference calling (Google, Messenger, and Zoom) have helped. I am using my afternoons to work on submitting my book to be published, organizing my writing, and submitting my poetry to periodicals. I am even organizing and tweaking my confirmation program (which I wrote) and hope that someday will also be published. I am trying to exercise every day, walking and stretching, and a little yoga and tai chi.
Last Fall when I was burning out, I wondered if I would survive pastoral ministry until I retired, which for me is another 15 years, at least. I wondered aloud to some of my colleagues and friends, if I wanted to continue being a minister. The answer to the second question came pretty immediate that when I resigned, I knew that really wanted to find another church. The second answer came more gradually, that if I take care of myself and find the support I need outside the local church I serve, I can do this.
Which leads me to being on the outside looking in while our country and world are going through this pandemic that will be in the history books. I have no congregants to call on, no schedules to juggle and meetings to Zoom, no worship services to figure out, and sermons to write and give. Being a minister is my superpower, not that I can walk on water or heal the sick with a word, but it is my main way of doing my part to make the world a better place.
Holy Week is the toughest and best week of ministry for me. I usually have the Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Sunrise, and Easter services to go through, walking through this amazing story that has it all: hope, desperation, gathering one last time, betrayal, rigged trial, torture, death, grief, despair, hiding, duty, surprise, resurrection, disbelief, and joy. I helped two local churches with music for Palm Sunday, but only being able to watch the services of Holy Week is better than nothing, but I am going to miss the smells and bells. (OK, not a whole lot of smells and bells in a mainline protestant church, but I hope you understand the imagery).
I fully support us not meeting, not gathering to worship, not having a time where two or more are gathered in Jesus' name. However, this is more time in the wilderness when I really want to return to the church, return to worship, and be a part of the visible body of Christ. I am very glad that I am not going through the valley of the shadow of death with the virus or any of my family right now. I am confident that we will gathering again to sing, pray, and worship God once more. I am in the wilderness, being fed manna and learning to rely on God.
Peace
I found myself a spiritual director, spent time at the local coffee shop, played music with any group I could find, but found myself too busy to work on my profile (pastor resume) or my book that I am trying to publish.
Near the end of my hiatus, I applied to the local school system to be a substitute teacher, worked on updating my profile, and reached out to local churches and my Association to let them know I am available for pulpit supply. I did get a couple of gigs, preaching at a United Methodist and an ELCA Lutheran churches. My wife and I did find a couple of churches I was interested in applying for and things were getting back on track. I was quickly getting into substitute teaching, always have enjoyed working with youth and always enjoy teaching.
Then, COVID 19!
My temporary jobs of substituting teaching and preaching have all dried up. I am once again thrown into the void of not having a job and a purpose to get out of bed. Even my music, non-profit groups, and social calendar have dried up, though conference calling (Google, Messenger, and Zoom) have helped. I am using my afternoons to work on submitting my book to be published, organizing my writing, and submitting my poetry to periodicals. I am even organizing and tweaking my confirmation program (which I wrote) and hope that someday will also be published. I am trying to exercise every day, walking and stretching, and a little yoga and tai chi.
Last Fall when I was burning out, I wondered if I would survive pastoral ministry until I retired, which for me is another 15 years, at least. I wondered aloud to some of my colleagues and friends, if I wanted to continue being a minister. The answer to the second question came pretty immediate that when I resigned, I knew that really wanted to find another church. The second answer came more gradually, that if I take care of myself and find the support I need outside the local church I serve, I can do this.
Which leads me to being on the outside looking in while our country and world are going through this pandemic that will be in the history books. I have no congregants to call on, no schedules to juggle and meetings to Zoom, no worship services to figure out, and sermons to write and give. Being a minister is my superpower, not that I can walk on water or heal the sick with a word, but it is my main way of doing my part to make the world a better place.
Holy Week is the toughest and best week of ministry for me. I usually have the Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Sunrise, and Easter services to go through, walking through this amazing story that has it all: hope, desperation, gathering one last time, betrayal, rigged trial, torture, death, grief, despair, hiding, duty, surprise, resurrection, disbelief, and joy. I helped two local churches with music for Palm Sunday, but only being able to watch the services of Holy Week is better than nothing, but I am going to miss the smells and bells. (OK, not a whole lot of smells and bells in a mainline protestant church, but I hope you understand the imagery).
I fully support us not meeting, not gathering to worship, not having a time where two or more are gathered in Jesus' name. However, this is more time in the wilderness when I really want to return to the church, return to worship, and be a part of the visible body of Christ. I am very glad that I am not going through the valley of the shadow of death with the virus or any of my family right now. I am confident that we will gathering again to sing, pray, and worship God once more. I am in the wilderness, being fed manna and learning to rely on God.
Peace
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